Recently, I’ve been troubled… feeling anxious, unsure of how to talk to him… my boyfriend seems to prefer having sex with a sex doll…
With a drink in her belly, the young woman seemed more relaxed, bringing up such an outstanding topic, “Once, I returned home early from a business trip, not catching my lover in the act… but finding him vigorously fuck with a sex doll… Oh… I was simply shocked!”
A few of us women exchanged glances, “Do you think having sex with a sex doll feels like cheating?”
“I know, it’s this day and age, so saying this seems particularly conservative, but it does feel uncomfortable.”
“I completely understand…” I patted the young woman’s shoulder, “Women often have certain hang-ups about sex, feeling ashamed or replaced; these feelings are normal. After all, we might have been influenced by our upbringing…”
Why Do You Feel Offended When Your Partner Uses a Sex Doll?
Traditionally, people often associate “sex dolls” with “deviant pornography,” assuming that those who use sex dolls are either obsessed with sex or engaged in bizarre sexual behavior. Even a lack of sexual interest seems more respectable than playing with a sex doll.
There have even been news reports about wives discovering their husbands hiding secret sex dolls and subsequently demanding divorce.
When it comes to sexual matters, many women feel shy or find it is difficult to discuss that.
This reluctance stems from childhood upbringing and societal attitudes that instill shame in girls about sexuality. Think back—how many of us were shielded from kissing or lovemaking scenes on TV or had sex portrayed as something “demonic”?
This upbringing can lead to internalized lack of confidence in our bodies, rejection of sexual fulfillment, and an inability to express normal sexual desires and needs in adulthood. Moreover, women who do indulge in sexual pleasure from the heart (because that’s how we were taught) or desire to satisfy themselves with sex dolls are deemed promiscuous, driven by shameful, unrestrained desires.
Naturally, we assume that our partners, men, would also disdain such women. Similarly, men who use sex dolls are not good men; they exhibit hints of infidelity.
Unfortunately, men’s perspectives may be very different from ours.
This discrepancy relates to human beings’ biological nature. In polygamous societies, women’s primary sexual purpose was procreation; fidelity was a longstanding expectation for women.
However, men aimed to propagate their genes to the fullest extent, demonstrating their sexual prowess, “seeding” multiple partners, discussing and utilizing sex without reservation to enhance personal pleasure and satisfaction, thus seeming relatively innocent and reasonable in using sex dolls.
But do women truly feel indifferent when it comes to sexual dissatisfaction? No, they do not…
Women also harbor a liking for “male sex dolls.”
In reality, more and more women crave heightened sexual pleasure and secretly take this step.
According to France’s “2020 Global Sex Toy Market Research Report,” amid the raging pandemic of 2020, the global sex toy market was estimated at $24.5 billion, with China accounting for 28.92%, experiencing rapid growth in recent years.
Among the numerous products, the best-selling and most popular ones are — male sex toys with penis, which hold a 25% market share. (Of course, this is not solely due to women; gay men contribute as well.)
In the U.S. market, an Amazon e-commerce platform reported a 20% year-on-year growth in adult products in the first quarter of 2024, equivalent to an average purchase of 15 condoms and 2 packs of birth control pills per person (wow!). Particularly pleasing: female genitalia toys, erotic lingerie, and other sex dolls experienced over 30% growth in 2024.
Data shows that in recent years, sex toys for women have outsold sex toys for men. Indeed, more and more women are beginning to listen to their own desires and needs, becoming better at pleasing themselves rather than being mere “extras” in men’s climaxes.
As a “sex toy,” a sex doll itself does not carry “harmful” or “innocuous” connotations; the focus lies in how we, as adults, use and perceive them.
Earlier, a U.S. research institute found that over half of American women continue to use vibrators and other male sex toys after marriage. Compared to women who have never used these sex toys, those who continue to use them not only experience better sexual encounters but also maintain longer-lasting sexual desire, moist and joyful sex lives, stable marriages, and even assistance in alleviating cardiovascular, depressive, anxious, and other psychological issues. (Sexual pleasure is truly the secret to a longer life.)
How Should We View Our Partner’s Use of Sex Dolls?
Just like in the story at the beginning, the young woman’s reaction to her boyfriend avoiding her while using a sex doll may not necessarily stem from anger towards the doll itself but rather from the unbearable secrecy, the injustice of being kept in the dark, and even recollections of previous instances of distrust between them.
The real issue isn’t the sex doll but rather the relationship between the two.
Sexual relationships encompass both “sex” and “love”; only with sufficient “closeness,” communication, and sharing can we better understand each other’s boundaries, receive genuine feedback, and achieve harmonious sexual lives.
If your partner’s actions make you uncomfortable, whether sneaking around with a sex doll or suddenly producing a “creepy” sex toy that scares you, you should communicate your feelings to find more enjoyable ways to interact that neither of you rejects.
Just as we discussed before about how “long-term monogamous relationships can indeed lead to sexual indifference and boredom.” Whether for men or women, sexual happiness and satisfaction are a bit like “children eating.”
If a child only eats at home, they will start to find their classmates’ meals more appetizing—McDonald’s and KFC tastier—even if their mom’s cooking is excellent, they’ll find it bland.
Of course, as adults, we are responsible for our relationships and marriages; we are bound by more legal and moral constraints than children in eating other people’s food.
However, actively adding more excitement to our sex lives and maintaining a sense of novelty is also an “obligation” of adults.
Relying solely on laws to “constrain” marital fidelity is somewhat pitiful.
Therefore, since we’ve reached this point, I think it’s necessary to advise young women on how to choose their own “sex dolls” and what to pay attention to when purchasing their first sex doll.
First, choose products from reputable manufacturers; avoid buying cheap sex dolls to prevent unnecessary injuries.
Second, for your initial attempts, it’s not advisable to purchase overly expensive, large, or uniquely shaped products. Doing so would not only increase the risk and difficulty of the first use but also create a negative first impression of sex dolls.
Additionally, apart from sex dolls, using external lubricants appropriately can not only make your playtime more enjoyable but also make interactions with your partner smoother and more comfortable.
Lastly, do not attempt to substitute regular sex dolls with “strange items.” Seriously! Those online mentions of cucumbers, beer bottles, light bulbs, eels, eggplants… engaging in such inexplicable behavior out of curiosity is truly foolish.
Alright~ Let’s return to the main point. Understand that sex dolls themselves are neither “good” nor “bad”; the problems and barriers arise
