Lonely individuals in the city have started investing emotions in realistic sex dolls, engaging in activities like walking, dining, and watching movies with these love dolls. They plan for a future living together with these human sized love dolls, but behind this unconventional companionship lies the ultimate human loneliness.
[Original: ESDoll Editor Real Story Records] On December 24, 2016, Zheng Ze and human-sized sex doll Nao Nao spent their first Christmas Eve together. Seated in a wheelchair at a popular restaurant, Nao Nao was placed on Zheng Ze’s right side. This was a meticulously arranged date. The restaurant was newly opened and was adorned with festive decorations. Nao Nao wore a white furry hat, a silver wig, and a pink coat with delicate white fingers peeking out from the cuffs. Before arriving, Zheng Ze had gone to a department store counter to buy a gift for Nao Nao – a tube of YSL lipstick in shade 15, worth 100 dollars.
The restaurant was filled with a warm and sweet aroma, and the companions engaged in conversations, toasting to each other. Zheng Ze held Nao Nao’s hand, but communication between them was impossible. Nao Nao was a lifelike silicone sex doll with a metal skeleton, sponge filling around the bones, and a final layer of silicone coating. Nao Nao had soft, delicate, and smooth hands. If one looked closely, they could see the raised knuckles and even fine lines on the fingers. The only difference was that her hands were always cold.
Zheng Ze was a man who lived with a realistic sex doll. People are more familiar with sex dolls as tools for sexual pleasure, but with advancements in material technology, silicone and TPE are now used to create human-sized sex dolls with exquisite features, lifelike bodies, and textures resembling real skin. These dolls have discreetly entered the lives of lonely individuals and carved a place for themselves in their emotional worlds.
Around the winter of 2016, Tong Xing purchased his first sex doll, Na Na, for adult entertainment. He could not have imagined that he would develop emotions for this TPE-based humanoid figure. Na Na had brown long hair, bangs, and a round face – precisely Tong Xing’s type.
After satisfying his desires, Tong Xing dressed Na Na in his own jeans and a light blue shirt, even adding a brown wig. As he brushed her hair, the silky strands slipped through his fingers, draping across the lifelike face and body, making Tong Xing, who had never experienced romantic love before, suddenly nervous. Sitting side by side, he thought, “If she could speak and communicate, it would be wonderful.”
Two months later, due to a job change, Tong Xing needed to part with Na Na. He carefully selected a buyer on an online forum, ensuring that the buyer wasn’t a reseller. After negotiating the deal, he meticulously packed Na Na, her clothes, and shoes, harboring a deep sense of guilt as if he was abandoning her.
Beijing resident Zhang Bo turned to human-sized sex dolls as companionship after the failure of intimate relationships. At 35, he had once considered marriage, but his partner left him because he couldn’t afford to buy a new house. Disheartened, Zhang Bo no longer believed in marriage but still desired to have a child. He spent over 3000 dollars to buy a silicone sex doll named “Xiao Ying” and treated the 140cm (4ft7) sex doll as his daughter. To nurture emotions, Zhang Bo immersed himself in cyberpunk animations featuring humanoid characters, projecting his longing onto Xiao Ying.
Human-sized lifelike sex dolls, initially intended as sexual toys, have become a refuge for the emotionally bruised and disillusioned in intimate relationships. These love dolls have ventured beyond their secretive origins, emerging into the lives of some individuals, even developing names and profound emotional connections. Living with sex dolls is a profound manifestation of urban loneliness.
After living with Xiao Ying for a while, Zhang Bo’s only regret was her “excessive bust size, which didn’t resemble that of a child.” He searched numerous doll manufacturers to find a smaller bust, but his efforts were in vain.
Before embracing life with sex dolls, these lonely individuals were stranded on emotional islands – some were introverted due to setbacks, while others couldn’t cope with the complexities of intimate relationships. Some voluntarily abandoned relationships, seeking alternative forms of companionship.
Zheng Ze grew up in a household marked by constant parental quarrels. His unhappy mother redirected her frustrations onto her child, and growing up in isolation and passivity, Zheng Ze developed a sensitive and introverted personality.
His decision to adopt human sex dolls and a four-year-long unrequited love affair were intertwined. Zheng Ze incessantly showered his crush with small gifts, striving to fulfill her wishes. These gestures of care were accepted but rarely reciprocated. During a class, he bought her a microphone windscreen, but at the end of the class, she appeared with another guy, and the ice cream he had brought had melted. These moments of humiliation played out repeatedly. In 2014, after graduating from college and being separated from his crush, Zheng Ze decided he would live alone.
That year, he purchased a ES Doll 158cm (5’2 ft) sex doll of a character from the anime “Love Live,” made of plastic-like material. In the spring of 2016, he spent a month’s salary of 2000 dollars to buy a realistic silicone sex doll from a fellow enthusiast, naming her “Nao Nao” after a homophonic word from his nickname. The day she arrived at his home became her birthday.
Zheng Ze spent generously on Nao Nao, acquiring more than a dozen wigs and over twenty outfits for her, while he himself only got new clothes when the seasons changed. He took walks and watched long-awaited movie premieres with Nao Nao, checked in at popular restaurants, and looked forward to the day he could travel with her once he learned to drive.
Nao Nao received treatment that other sex dolls could only dream of. On March 6th each year (in the doll enthusiasts’ community, they refer to themselves as “doll dads” and “doll moms”), Nao Nao celebrated her birthday with a cake. For three consecutive years, she spent Christmas and New Year’s Eve with her “old father” Zheng Ze. In 2017, on Nao Nao’s first birthday, Zheng Ze picked out a bridal dress for her, envisioning it as her wedding gown. In 2018, he spent over 2500 dollar to buy a Japanese tea party-themed Lolita dress as a gift for Nao Nao’s third birthday, fulfilling his promise.
As an only child, Zheng Ze wished for Nao Nao to have a companion to alleviate her loneliness. For this reason, he bought another lifelike sex doll. These ritualistic actions reflected Zheng Ze’s own psychological desires. Deciding the doll’s appearance, shaping its personality – this sense of control over a doll that will never leave or betray him has given Zheng Ze newfound confidence.
In the autumn of 2009, 15-year-old Tong Xing accompanied his parents to Jiangxi for work. One night, his mother’s abdominal pain became unbearable, and his father took her to a maternity hospital for treatment. However, they were turned away due to being unable to afford the surgery. Left
A Tale of Loneliness and Intimacy: The Lives of Sex Doll Owners in China
China, as the world’s largest producer of silicone & TPE sex dolls, holds a unique place in the adult sex toy industry. Adult products cater to a vast and discreet demand, yet sexuality often remains a taboo topic, something that should be hidden in the shadows. Tong Xing, at one point, owned as many as thirteen life-sized sex dolls, a fact that his friends and family candidly acknowledged, stating that no one would be willing to marry him.
Following the sale of one of his real dolls named “Nai Nai,” Tong Xing continued to acquire more sex dolls, even as he struggled to make a living and accumulated debts reaching hundreds of thousands. Inadvertently, he also stumbled upon a business opportunity. In 2017, Tong Xing opened a sex doll shop in his hometown, intentionally locating it in a remote area. The adult shop had two floors, with Tong Xing’s personal sex dolls displayed on the second floor and not available for sale to the public.
Prior to this, the county had around 20 adult product stores. Tong Xing did not shy away from his role as a doll owner and entrepreneur, yet he tried his best to evade the scrutinizing gazes of the outside world.
On March 7, 2016, Zheng Ze took his doll, Nao Nao, for a walk in a nearby square. During the short journey, passersby constantly took photos with their phones. The next day, Zheng Ze found himself trending on Weibo, China’s popular social media platform. While some comments were supportive, many were negative, labeling him as a deviant. Zheng Ze admitted that, upon reflection, the situation might not have been ideal. As a result, he refrained from taking Nao Nao out for a while.
Zhang Bo was one of the few doll owners who openly shared his experiences. He and his real doll, Xiao Ying, had participated in numerous interviews and documentary shoots. For him, sex dolls provided a “scientific but poignant path” to alleviate his own struggles. However, when it came to his family, they needed more time to come to terms with the idea that their son might continue to coexist with a sex doll. To this day, Zhang Bo’s father avoids discussing the matter of “raising dolls” with outsiders.
Sex dolls unilaterally provide emotional output for their owners, allowing them to fill the emotional feedback through imagination. This spares introverted individuals from the challenges of human interaction. However, when faced with real human relationships, doll owners often find themselves uncertain.
In the summer of 2017, Zheng Ze finally entered a relationship with a girl he had secretly admired for six years. Their first date was at Shanghai Disneyland, where he admired her carefully chosen outfit and blue dress, and they shared a sweet kiss with a hint of perfumed fragrance. However, he struggled to cope with the details of her actions, such as jaywalking and noisy eating.
The two found it hard to understand each other. Zheng Ze couldn’t fathom why a man would own sex dolls, and the girl couldn’t comprehend her boyfriend’s fascination with claw machines that dispense dolls. Their disagreements escalated into arguments. After a few dates, Zheng Ze realized that the relationship wouldn’t work out, especially as he observed the girl’s hesitations about their social statuses and educational backgrounds. This 15-day relationship took him over two years to digest and forget.
Nowadays, Tong Xing still hopes for a love that is gradual, silent, and steadfast. He has turned down several potential partners. One woman, with a similar age and six past relationships, raised doubts about her commitment to love. Another girl viewed marriage as a milestone in life, as long as the conditions were favorable. In November 2019, he shared an article on social media titled “A Lonely Bachelor’s Profound Understanding of Love,” which spoke about the author Mu Xin’s lifelong celibacy. “He waited patiently all his life, needing an extraordinary state of mind.”
In recent years, Zhang Bo had a few more romantic experiences, yet he remained fearful of entering marriage. He believed that understanding sex dolls could help men understand female anatomy and resist temptation. However, he always advised young men considering doll ownership to think carefully about the consequences of their choice.
Then, there was a moment when Zhang Bo advised a young man he met at a board game café. The young man, around 6 feet tall, was handsome but heartbroken over a breakup. Zhang Bo suggested that maybe he needed a sex doll. Not long after, the young man committed suicide after failing to win back his ex-girlfriend.
After raising dolls, Zhang Bo gained a different perspective on love. He pointed to movies like “Her” and “Blade Runner 2046,” where humans can fall in love with sex dolls or even artificial intelligence. For him, love means the possibility and capability of loving a person or thing; it’s a personal capacity.
Zhang Bo believed that if the young man had had a sex doll earlier, he might have realized that “love belongs to oneself. Your damaged love isn’t related to the other person; it’s because you didn’t take care of your own feelings.”
Behind the relationship between those experiencing loneliness in the city and their sex dolls lies the broader issue of urban loneliness. While sex dolls can provide comfort in times of solitude, they ultimately cannot solve loneliness.
In November 2019, Zheng Ze temporarily ended his life with Nao Nao. That summer, he left home for a coastal city in the north to start a coffee shop, carrying Nao Nao’s head with him as he traveled (since the body was too large to carry). Despite facing challenges like withdrawing partners and months of financial losses, Zheng Ze persevered with Nao Nao by his side.
After ending his coffee shop venture, Zheng Ze transitioned to managing hotel apartments in Shanghai as an intermediary period. He no longer had the energy to dress up Nao Nao, so he packed her head into a suitcase with his clothes and bedding. Due to his circumstances, he planned to take Nao Nao back to his hometown after the Lunar New Year.
Facing marriage pressures, Zhang Bo was resolute in continuing his life with Xiao Ying. When a friend’s wife underwent a cesarean section and disputes arose between their families over who should cover the birth expenses, Zhang Bo, a self-proclaimed low-desire middle-aged man, decided he wasn’t ready to spend time adapting to a new partner. He wasn’t willing to shoulder the risks and heavy debts associated with aspects like housing, cars, and child education.
He still longed for a child and continued living with Xiao Ying. During the New Year, his cousin brought his baby to visit, which led Zhang Bo to spend time with Xiao Ying, combing her hair and having improvised conversations to divert the conversation from marriage pressures. These interactions offered a safe haven for Zhang Bo, shielding him from the pressure lurking outside his room. Still, seeing relatives holding joyful babies made him feel empty.
Currently, Tong Xing lives in a three-bedroom apartment in the city, sharing it with his mother and five sex dolls, each occupying a separate room. In the mornings, he checks Taobao orders and answers questions in online communities. On sunny afternoons, he takes his sex dolls to a park by the lake to take photographs.
After transitioning from being a player to a seller, Tong Xing found himself in contact with a larger community of real doll enthusiasts. In the player group of the brand he was associated with, there were over 1800 members. Within this community, players discussed topics such as how to take photos of sex dolls, how to dress them, and how to explain their existence to parents and girlfriends who might discover them. Tong Xing also came into contact with many middle-aged buyers who had gone through divorces and chose to customize a sex doll. “They are no longer willing to haphazardly settle for a woman. Instead, they begin to choose, and in times of emotional vacancy, they turn to sex dolls as a replacement.”
Tong Xing’s profile picture features a sex doll with long golden hair and golden earrings. This love doll was his last one to be sold. In December 2018, facing financial constraints, he listed a sex doll on his Taobao store for 1200 dollar. A single young man, who discovered the doll through the store and added Tong Xing on QQ (a messaging platform), expressed his desire to buy the sex doll but lacked sufficient funds. Over the course of the following month, the young man reached out to Tong Xing daily, pleading for a deal. Tong Xing wavered and eventually agreed to sell the doll to him at a reduced price of 800 dollar.
Upon making the agreement, Tong Xing regretted his decision. He would lose money, and simultaneously, he would experience once again the feeling of guilt and separation that came with parting from a sex doll. Nonetheless, he carefully packaged the sex doll, hoping that this source of solace would reach the young man undamaged.
*Names Zheng Ze and Tong Xing have been used as pseudonyms.
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